Lama Surya Das on Letting Go, Letting Be - Beliefnet
Hinduism-AtoZ Buddhism acknowledges attachment as the root cause of our suffering. choices, accumulations, intentional behavior and structured relationships. To be free from attachments, we must be willing to let go of everything. But rarely is it actually explained how to actually "let it go". The teaching on non -attachment, as described in Buddhist and Hindu thought, is often Buddhists didn't, it's about not attaching yourself to your spouse or the concept of marriage. Detachment, also expressed as non-attachment, is a state in which a person overcomes his or her attachment to desire for things, people or concepts of the world and thus attains a heightened perspective. It is considered a wise virtue and is promoted in various Eastern religions, such as Jainism, Taoism and Buddhism.
Ideally, life is a cycle of holding and letting go, but we become so attached that we can no longer see clearly. Our attachment can become so strong that we actually lose sight of the bigger picture. Many spiritual teachings and traditions teach about the benefits of living with non-attachment.
In Buddhism living with detachment is a sign of spiritual maturity.Why Breaking Up Is So Painful
It shows that the soul has purified itself and evolved mentally. Now, the real question is, "Why would the average person strive to live with nonattachment? Well, yes and no.
When we can hold and release, we are able to build healthy connections. When we let go, we are releasing our need to control and releasing the conditional love that comes with attachment so that we can love unconditionally, being okay with whatever path life takes us down. When we live with non-attachment we can go with the flow more easily, and are not as impacted emotionally by the punches life may throw at us. We often confuse connectedness with attachment.
When we are connected with someone, they become a part of our life and us a part of their life; that is connection.
Once we become attached, we become entangled.
The Futility of Attachment to Expected Results
This is different from connection. Our energy and our thoughts become disproportionately focused on the thing or person we are attached to. The more entangled we become, the more we lose perspective.
- Understanding Your Attachments
- The Power of Letting Go: How to Detach
- Letting Go, Letting Be
Attachment moves us into a state of need. Once we believe we need someone or something in order to be happy, we give away our power to the object of our desire. Once we have attached to someone or something our perspective changes. We begin to perceive that as something we need in our life to make us happy. However, nothing outside of us can truly bring happiness or security. You are the one who decides whether you are happy or not in any situation.
Once we become attached, we give away our power to be in control of our own happiness. As the attachment grows, so does the fear of losing the very thing we desire. It is in the moments when we fear that the person or object we are attached to does not meet our expectations, or may be lost, that we experience moments of great emotional suffering and pain in our life.
Our mind, in an attempt to save us from that potential loss, sends us into survival mode. We become hyper focused, obsessed, and often even addicted to the person or thing that we have attached ourselves to. We can become clingy, controlling, domineering and extremely emotional and insecure all in a desperate attempt to protect our attachment. Once we get to this space we are so entangled in the attachment we are out of balance, often reacting irrationally.
None of this gets us to happiness and it does not make for a healthy relationship. The good news is that all this pain and suffering is a choice.
The Futility of Attachment to Expected Results
It's one of those times when letting go is obviously a necessary virtue, and having some kind of relaxation tool can be extraordinarily helpful. Scientific research has shown that people who are optimistic and have an ability to accept or let go of negative memories, experiences, and events tend to be healthier and live longer than people who are pessimistic and worry about or try to change things that are out of their control.
Indeed, acceptance is actually transformative, and awareness is curative. Sometimes mistaken for passivity or complacency, acceptance has a powerful magic that is actually quite dynamic and creative.
Have you ever noticed, for example, how accepting your mate rather than trying to change him or her ends up improving your relationship? The easiest way to work on letting go and letting be is to notice your tendency to want things to be different from what they are and to practice giving up that strong preference. The following are a few simple steps that aid the practice of letting go, regardless of your beliefs or religious affiliation.
Detachment (philosophy) - Wikipedia
Fundamentally, letting go requires just two steps: These two steps can be broken down further into five steps. We begin to realize that the purpose of meditative awareness is not to have good or bad experiences but to see how we relate to all phenomena and learn to act on them more skillfully.
First, practice being aware of whatever arises in your experience--a physical sensation, thought, or emotion--rather than repressing, suppressing, or ignoring it. Second, try to observe whatever arises, without judgment or reaction. Third, investigate and examine the feeling, thought, or emotion, without bringing external or internal activity to bear on it. Fourth, if the thought, feeling, or sensation requires that you act, decide how to channel your energy into action, or Fifth, simply release the sensation, thought, or feeling, recognizing the transitory, empty nature of all experiences.
Because our minds cycle through so many thoughts in the course of a day, or even a minute, they are a good place to start in the practice of letting go.