SCREEN IT! PARENTAL REVIEW: MEET THE SPARTANS
Meet the Spartans (20th Century Fox), the latest spoof from Scary from getting crapped on by a dancing penguin who exclaims, “I'm about to make you my bitch! In between, there are thousands of bad gay jokes (Leonidas' battle plan: Perhaps two minutes later, the credits gave way to scenes that. Bad attitudes are present (also comedy based), and some of the torture has varying degrees of blood on his face (more as the scene progresses). A huge penguin knocks young Leonidas to the ground and then sits on him. Even if a film is terrible like Meet the Spartans, you can hold up hope that the is a rip-off of , replete with homoerotic jokes and bad urban references. ON THE SIDE: The pooping penguin scene was the last one filmed.
After the credits seem to be over, deleted scenes are shown simply to make the movie more than 70 minutes. During the deleted scenes, Dane Cook, George W. Bush, Tom Cruise, and Ellen Degeneres are also knocked in the hole.
The joke is done 10 times over. The two extremely untalented writers of this mess want to include every movie possible, and mention every celebrity they can, and include any show they can cram in. There are 3 instances of celebrity panels judging the Spartans in this, and it's not like it was a running joke either.
It was just lack of ideas.Meet the Spartans - Britney Spears scene (Unrated)
Much of the celebrity humor was just the celebrities pointing out their character traits. Paris Hilton, who is in a few scenes, but ultimately disappears with no point, talks about her jail time. Brittany Spears acts crazy. Lindsey Lohan gets out of rehab. Tyra Banks shows her cellulite. And every other celebrity that is made fun of, has the exact same role. Also, there is a joke in poor taste. When Leonidas is going to be killed by a talking penguin, it says, "Say hi to Anna Nicole Smith for me.
References to TV were thrown around, usually making no sense and totally pointless. Ugly Betty is the oracle. The movies were also thrown about all over so people in the audience could say, "Duh, I know what they're referencing. It made no sense why it was thrown in here. That's how I felt about pretty much every part of this movie though.
Now, back to myself. Leonidas French kisses a male messenger, stating that's how they greet men in Sparta while just "high-fiving" women.
As Leonidas describes this, we see two stereotypically gay-looking young men standing together. Queen Margo then says that she digs "big black dudes" the messenger is blackand the messenger delivers Xerxes' message that the Spartan women will become Xerxes' sex slaves.
Leonidas later catches the messenger and Queen Margo making out, clothed and standing, with the messenger telling Leonidas, "Your wife's a ho. As Leonidas describes his military plan regarding the Persians to some old prophets, they laugh when he says he's going to "take them in the rear" and then "reach around and take them from the front" prompting one prophet to state that it sounds like back-stage at an Elton John concert.
We see a full nude rear view of Leonidas standing in a doorway, with several women laughing at him. One states that he looks like a Ken doll, and he says it's cold as we see a close-up view of his genital-free crotch made to look like that on such a doll. Leonidas looks at writing on Queen Margo's skin that says "Leonidas was here. Leonidas asks Queen Margo if she wants to "do it," she says like they've never "done it" before, and we then see close-up views of what initially appears to be an intimate and sensual sexual encounter heavy breathing, bare skin, some movement, etc.
'Meet the Spartans' Is Cinematic Terrorism!
But we then see that it's really just Leonidas bench-pressing Queen Margo who's wearing the equivalent of a tube top and a sarongand he tosses her aside when he's done. Leonidas then goes over to the somewhat overweight Dilio, comments on his nice "man boobs" and then proceeds to grope them. Leonidas passionately kisses Captain as a greeting, has his hand on his shoulder, looks at his crotch, and plays with his hair, all of which makes Captain uncomfortable.
Spotting Sonio approaching, Leonidas says, "He's got a huge package," but we then see that the young man is carrying a large box in front of him. A woman turns around, lifts her bottom and states, "You can kiss my fat ass. We see a poster of Sonio, slightly reclined back and holding his sword, with the pose making that appear phallic. Leonidas tells Queen Margo that if she died, he'd play the field, adding that he's always wanted to "do" a "fat chick. A Paris Hilton look-alike says she wants to be a Spartan warrior, and asks the men if they've seen her video referring to a real-life Internet sex tapeand suggestively runs her hand up and down on a spear shaft.
Following a battle, the Spartans drink beer in a mock beer commercial, with the announcer commenting on their war mongering and latent homosexual behavior, all as Leonidas downs some erectile dysfunction pills. We see several views aerial and side of Queen Margo lying fully nude on a massage table. She has tomato slices cover her nipples prompting one man to state, "Nice tomatoes" and a slice of pizza covering her crotch. As she turns over, we see her bare back, as well as brief and partial views of the side of her bare breast.
Meet the Spartans - Wikipedia
Queen Margo longingly gazes at her sweaty male gardener, who holds his leaf blower in a phallic way. Some models on a spoof of Deal or No Deal show cleavage.
Traitoro stares at Queen Margo's cleavage her words become muffled to him and knowing she needs his help for him to help her husband, she lowers her top we don't see anything, but do her a "boing" sound representing his unseen erection.