Meet the Fockers - Movie Quotes - Rotten Tomatoes
All hell breaks loose when the Byrnes family meets the Focker family for the first time. Top Christmas Day Grosses · poll image Male nurse Greg Focker meets his girlfriend's parents before proposing, but her suspicious father is . Quotes. [first lines] Gunther - Immigrant Man: You must do something! Baby's coming!. Great memorable quotes and script exchanges from the Meet the Parents movie on caztuning.info Explore Val Lesiak's board "Christmas Quotes and Sayings" on Pinterest. | See more ideas about Christmas crafts, Diy christmas decorations and Merry.
Of all colors, Red Light penetrates fog best. That's why Benny the Blue-nosed reindeer never got the gig. With its joys and its heartaches, With its laughter and song, It comes as a reminder That time marches along. This wasn't for any religious reasons.
They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. Let us follow kinder ways Through our teeming human maze, And help the age of peace to come From a Dreamer's martyrdom.
Yes; the years may come and the years may go; But, when December wind doth, coldly, blow, We all, I guess, are just children once more And we plan our gifts, as we did of yore. An Etiquette Book for Rude People Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2, years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.
Brooks Wouldn't life be worth the living Wouldn't dreams be coming true If we kept the Christmas spirit All the whole year through? We ring the bells when princes are born, or toll a mournful dirge when great men pass away. Nations have their red-letter days, their carnivals and festivals, but once in the year and only once, the whole world stands still to celebrate the advent of a life. Just like the rest of the year.
Let us get back our childlike faith again. What holy task is thine! To fold a world in the embrace of God! But as each one grows older, And memories crowd 'round Of all the joys in the past, And we miss the dear sound Of the voice of a loved one Who is absent this year, Then, it's hard to recapture Christmas spirit and cheer! It may weave a spell of nostalgia.
Despite Greg reluctantly accepting the role, Jack resumes his spying on him and begins to suspect him of infidelity when he sees him with drug representative Andi Garcia Albawho openly flirts with him, and the presence of Sustengo erection pills in Greg's house prompts Jack to think Greg is no longer sexually attracted to his wife Pam Polo. Furthermore, Jack starts to doubt Greg's ability to provide for his family when he appears reluctant to send his children to a private school.
During a medical conference promoting Sustengo, Greg meets Bob at a bar. Bob tells Greg of Jack's original intention to name him as successor, "The Bobfather", and his relief and happiness at leaving Jack's family makes Greg slightly uncomfortable.
Eventually, following a row at a clinic, Greg escapes to his and Pam's unfinished new house, where Andi turns up. She tries to cheer him up with takeout and wine, but she drinks so much wine also popping many erection pills that she gets excessively drunk and makes an eccentric, extremely aggressive sexual pass on Greg. Jack, looking for Greg so he can apologize to him and bring him home, pulls up to the house and sees through the window what looks like Greg and Andi having sex, although Greg is actually trying to rebuff Andi's advances.
Disgusted, Jack leaves, and tells Dina and Pam that he couldn't find Greg. It was, what, years ago. Honey, your father thought that it'd be fun to share stories about our first time. That sounds like fun. Come on, tell us how you popped your cherry. I really don't feel comfortable discussing that with you, Bernard.
I suggest that we get back to talking about the wedding. Mom, didn't you just take Little Jack back to the room?
I'm monitoring him from a high-powered multidirectional microphone planted in his crib. Whatever happened to a little thing called privacy? Bernie, surveillance technology has helped protect a lot of the freedoms that we as Americans take advantage of today. It has been good.
S- son, that is bullcrap in a chef's salad. The Central Lack of Intelligence Agency. I think that baby might need a couple of pulls on that knocker of yours, Jack. You let him cry it out. This way he doesn't depend on coddling.
On the other hand, the Continuum Concept shows that a baby benefits more from constant physical contact. We use the Ferber Method. We used the Focker Method. We hugged and kissed that little prince like there was no tomorrow. Greggy practically slept in our bed till he was. Oh, I don't think it was quite that long. Mom, I don't think so. I didn't sleep in their bed all that time.
Bernie, get the photo album. I'm one step ahead of you. No, no, no, we're eating dinner, come on. These are the curls from his first trip to the barbershop. Nobody wants to see this. Oh, and you kept all of his baby teeth. Look at his darling little teeth, isn't that sweet?
Uh-oh, somebody looks very grumpy there. Oh, that's Gay with the mohel. He's the man who snips the baby's little winkydink. See, that's Greg getting circumcised, right here. We had the ceremony at my parents' house but there was a cold snap and The heater conked out. No matter how hard he tried, the mohel couldn't coax Greg's tiny little turtle from its shell. Let's not talk about the tiny turtle, okay? Honey, half the people at this table have penises. Make a long story short, Jack, he wound up with a semicirc.
I can't wait to hear this. It's a cross between an ant eater and-- A German Army helmet. You wanted to talk about the wedding, right? Don't tell me you kept his umbilical cord. Of course not, that's Greg's foreskin. All right, you know what? That's-- that's enough humiliation. No, I'm not having fun.
Why deny us our memories? Anyone in the mood for Chinese? You told me your first time was with the Danish transfer student in high school.
Yeah, well, you weren't exactly forthcoming about your engagement with Kevin.
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Yeah, well, he wasn't my babysitter. Okay, I should have told you, all right. Can we just let it go, please? We both got enough stuff to deal with this weekend. How do you mean? I know that you are studying my family like the frozen caveman.
So, I just, I don't want you to be worried, okay? I mean, they're a little quirky, but they-they're well-intentioned and-- and I think they're just nervous and Greg, I am sure tomorrow will be a better day. I thought you ordered room service. Are you sure you don't want any whipped cream with your sundae? I'm Chad, the bellhop. Oh, no, come on, we did that last week. Can't you be Sam the carpet-cleaning man? Why would a carpet cleaner have whipped cream?
I'm here to clean your carpet. Do you mind if I put some foam down on your rug? I don't mind at all. Okay, sleep well, Jack. How long-- how long have you worked in this hotel?
It's time to put some snow on your mountains. Come on, I'm gonna get some whipped cream on those Tetons. Come back in the morning, tootsie roll. Gay, you see the cowboy hat on the door? Cowboy hat is off the door! No cowboy hat this weekend! Just stop doing what you're doing! Come on, man, you know what that cowboy hat on the door means. Will you please help me out here? We're just being ourselves.
I think he's saying not to be ourselves. Yes, be yourselves but be yourself in a way that's a little less than being your full selves, okay. I don't understand this. I mean, why you're so afraid of this Jack? You've been kissing his ass ever since you got here. Mom, I'm not afraid of him, okay. I can't believe you went duck-hunting with him.
Our people don't shoot ducks. Just make Jack feel a little more comfortable here, okay? So you don't want us to be ourselves? No, I just don't want you to break his RV, Dad, and-- and-- and reveal that I had sex with Isabel and play weird sex games that everybody can hear in the house.
If you ask me, it wouldn't be so bad if your future in-laws heard this. Do me a favour. Just don't therapize the Byrneses this weekend at all, okay? All I'm saying is, a few minutes of concentrated work with him and Dina, she could get him to blow like Krakatoa. Right, okay, yeah, you know what? One day, just give me one day, okay, without any complications. We get through it, everybody goes off, we go on with our lives.
Can we do that? You got it, dude. Hon, put the hat back on the door, okay? No cowboy hat this weekend. Okay, but tonight doesn't count. I slept all right, thank you. It's nice, all of us being here together, don't you think?
Bernard, do you mind if I have some privacy? Bernie, this fritatta is wonderful. Well, a lot of the taste comes from this old skillet. I've never washed it. Hey, guys, can I have everybody's attention, please? Gay, be back in a second. Mom, I know we've been-- we've been talking about having the, uh, wedding in October, but Pam and I have been doing a little thinkin' and playing around with some ideas and, uh, we're thinking of moving it up to June.
That's-- that's in a month. I always wanted a spring wedding, you know. Well, that's great, so we can announce it at the party tonight. Oh, your father and I are throwing a little engagement soiree for you two lovebirds. I thought we were just having a nice quiet dinner. It was supposed to be a surprise. The phone keeps ringing, the list keeps growing.
Yeah, now, it's up to Fockers. When were you going to tell us about this? What could be better? Dad, what are you doing? We never play football. I'm trying to cement relationships here. Jack said he was into footy ball. Let's show EI Stiffo how we play the game. Come on, come on, let's play! I'm feeling a little tired.
I think I'll sit it out with Little Jack, okay? Honey, you want me to keep you company? No, Dina, come on, you and I will take on Jack and Roz. Come on, Jack, it'll be fun, we'll swap wives. Don't worry, you'll get her back after the game. Fine, we'll play three on two. But someone needs to be official quarterback. Gay goes both ways. I'll bet he does.
I'll run a down-and-in, draw in the defence, then you'll hit Roz here in the end zone for a TD. What do you mean? He hits me where with a what? I'll throw you the ball, you try to catch it, okay. You want me to catch? Hut one, hut two, hike! Come on, this way! That way, that way, that way. You remember that time in the park?
Guys, come on, come on, cut it out. I'm so proud of you. I caught the ball. I caught the ball! Come on, huddle up.
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Dina, come on, let's go. You want a spritzer? All right, come on. Dad, you got to focus, all right? He's beating you down the field every time. You want me to be macho-wacho? Have I ever said the words macho-wacho to you in my life? I won't disappoint you. Okay, let's try again, I'm gonna run a stop and go. Fake the short pass, then hit me here in the end zone with a Hail Mary. Yeah, we keep running that play. You want to mix it up a little? I've exposed Bernie's weakness and I want to take advantage of it.
Just you and me, Jack. You think you can take me, Flowerman? I'm pretty sure I can, Mr. You're going down, Bernsie-boy. I'm going to rearrange your bouquet. Sell the pump fake, Greg, 'cause that Focker's gonna bite. Hut one, hut two, hut three, hut four. Are you all right? Hey, Jack, you okay? I'm fine, Greg, thank you. I see that kind of injury all the time at the hospital. I wish you'd let me give you a quick exam.
No, I'm, I'm fine. I told you I'll have my doctor look at it when I get home. You know, it's amazing how your father anticipated the pump fake like that. It's almost like he knew it was coming. Well, he definitely takes competition seriously. How a man handles himself on the football field says a lot about his character. Know what I mean? We got him, didn't we, dude, huh? No, Dad, he wasn't. That was a really hard shot. You could've hurt him.
I just wanted it to be a fun game but you wanted to win, so, you know, you got me all steamed up. No, I asked you to play a little defence, I didn't ask you to turn it into a blood sport. I play too easy. I play too hard. What are you really asking me to do, Gaylord? I'm not asking anything of you, Dad. Just-- just go down there and apologize to him, okay?
He thinks it was a cheap shot. I can't win with this kid. So, how far along is Pam? Come on, honey, I knew it the minute I saw her. Her boobs are bigger. No wine at dinner, no football. She just found out yesterday. My bubeleh's going to have a baby! My bubeleh's going to be a father! Tell me, talk to me, so this is so exciting. You didn't tell Dad, did you? No, no, Mom, you can't tell him.
Because he can't keep a secret. You think Jack knows? That guy's in such denial, he still thinks his daughter is still a virgin. Yeah, I know, he's very old-fashioned. That's why Pam can't tell him till after the wedding. Mom, it isn't, believe me.
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You don't know him like I do. My lips are sealed. I am so excited and thrilled for you. So happy for you two! Did you plan this? Uh, no, it just sort of happened. How did it happen? You know-- you know how it happens. I mean, I'm not going into the details.
Honey, I love details. Well, you know, honey, many unplanned pregnancies happen because the man is such a sexual dynamo and the woman craves his sperm on an unconscious but very powerful level. Mom, I am truly not comfortable having this conversation with you. I've been saying it since I was.
What say you and me go into town? I got a guy who can fix your RV. I'm in far too much physical agony, Bernie. Gee, I'm sorry, but it'll be good for you, you know, to, you know, to get out and about. I can take the girls shopping in Coconut Grove. Little Jack is on a very specific napping schedule.
I better stay here. Greg can watch him. He has wonderful parental instincts. Dad, Greg deals with little kids in the ER all the time. They don't call me Barry Poppins for nothing. Why would someone call you Barry Poppins?
Now, remember, Greg, we're Ferberizing him. So unless it's an emergency, under no circumstances should you pick him up or coddle him in any way when he cries. He's learning to self-soothe, that means no television, no unapproved toys, and most of all, no monkey business of any kind. Shall we get a move on, pal-o-mino? I love this, Roz. This is a great find. Oh, good, and it's loose, so you can wear it even if you gain a few pounds.
Honey, are you all right? You look a little flushed. Oh, it's just the heat.
It takes some getting used to. I'm going to try this on. Now, madame, let's find something sexy for the momma to wear. Look at this little number. I think this will get Jack's blood flowing.
Jack would have a coronary. Oh, Dina, talk to me. What's really going on with that man? He seems very uptight. Jack's always been a little wound up. His job was very stressful. Being a florist is stressful? There's more to it than people think. If you don't mind me asking, how is your sex life? I can't tell you that. What's the big deal? Dina, I'm a sex therapist, specializing in senior sexuality.
I knew those weren't yoga mats. But you're not dead, either. Lots of couples our age lack intimacy in their marriages. I didn't say we weren't intimate. There are special occasions. You know, anniversaries and Well, on our anniversary. I beg your pardon.
I think that I can help you and Jack reconnect. Well, it all starts with a little bit of, uh, how shall I say, intimate contact. Every pleasure in the body can be stimulated through the ears. I'd give it a shot with Jack tonight. What's goin' on over here?
Nothing, just having some girl talk. Here's the deal, L. I'm going to give you a few minutes of attention. But you have to promise that you don't tell Grandpa Jack anything, okay? Okay, I don't quite know what that means, but I'm going to trust you. A little huggie-wuggie never hurt anybody. I know we aren't supposed to watch TV but we won't tell Grandpa Jack, will we? Oh, look, look, it's Elmo. Do you like fishes?
You don't like fishes? Hey, I got an idea. Let's see what pre-approved genius toys Grandpa Jack has in his big basket of fun.
Oh, look, look, it's a-- it's a-- an abacus. Abacuses aren't that much fun, are they? I don't know why people think they're fun. It's-- it's bolts on a plank. No, not very fun. No, no, no, you don't want to say that word. We don't want to say that. That's a bad word. I thought this was a repair shop.
Oh, this is better. That's Isabel's son, Jorge. So, I think you got a tear in the bilateral valve. Jorge, what did I tell you? No more tinkering until you finish your science homework. Uh, I was going to finish it but, uh, Mr.
Gerson is out with, uh, rickets. He said definitely don't do it until his rickets are-- are cured. And, you know, I-- I-- I really-- Who knows if he's ever telling the truth? Bernie, I made chimichangas.