Relationships (Type Combinations) — The Enneagram Institute
The Enneagram Type Combinations. No pairing Keep in mind that one can have a relationship with any type if the two people are healthy. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 . Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 3, the Performer. Synergies and Relationship Development for Perfectionists with Performers. What to. Enneagram types aren't going to give you a horoscope reading, your astrological sign, or the next place to find the perfect date (If only!).
Sevens bring spontaneity, high energy, curiosity, an orientation toward fun and adventure, the desire to try new things, and an ability to not get too hung up with getting everything done perfectly. Both types can be initiators and planners, future-oriented and idealistic, although Sevens tend to prefer having multiple options and to keep all plans loose enough so that they can be changed as needed. They bring freedom and spontaneity. Ones are more methodical and help Sevens stay on track—they resist getting distracted by too many options, and excel at following through with their plans.
Sevens offer Ones a sense of excitement and life as a source of pleasure and enjoyment. Ones offer Sevens a sense of purpose and idealism, as well as direction and the feeling that life is noble and meaningful.
Sevens keep Ones' spirits up, refreshing their idealism while preventing the relationship from becoming too heavy. Ones help steady Sevens, keeping them working systematically and consistently toward goals. What to Appreciate About the Other This section elucidates the positive attributes and qualities each individual needs to acknowledge, appreciate, and support in the other.
Key Tasks for Building and Sustaining Relationship Here I provide the key specific recommendations concerning what each individual in the relationship needs to start doing, stop doing, work on, or accept to improve the relationship, enhance satisfaction, and ultimately create a relationship that truly flourishes.
Criticism, counter-criticism, and grievances can build over these differences. Since they often suppress needs and desires, perfectionists may find it difficult to initiate activities designed to enhance pleasure. Because of the focus on error and mistakes, they can also fail to acknowledge successes and offer praise.
This can all culminate in angry battles, rigid holding onto positions, cold disengagement, and ultimately, even alienation and separation. Relationship Development for Perfectionists with Perfectionists: What to Acknowledge about Self: What to Appreciate in Other Perfectionists: High standards, devotion to practical virtues and fairness, courage of convictions, industry, support for improvement.
Key Tasks for Building and Sustaining Relationship: Practice accepting and appreciating standards with different content. Realize that correcting mistakes in others easily gets misconstrued as criticism. Allocate time for pleasure, desires, and relaxation. Assist each other to release from the dominance of the judging mind. Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 2, the Giver Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Perfectionists offer steadfastness, dependability, and industry, while Givers offer emotion, optimism, attention to the relationship, and pizzazz — a good combination.
The Perfectionist, however, can experience the Giver as being too tied to the relationship and even dependent and unnecessarily helpful. The Giver, in turn, can feel unappreciated, judged as being hedonistic and giving too much, and therefore not acknowledged by the emotionally restrained Perfectionist.
A cycle of heightening conflict can manifest with criticism and counter-criticism about what is wrong, who needs help, and what constitutes care. This can lead to estrangement, especially since neither type is good at expressing desires and needs even though Givers can be on the hedonistic side in the service of others. As a result, estrangement and deadening can lead to disruption of the relationship.
Relationship Development for Perfectionists with Givers: What to Acknowledge about Self. Disowned judgmental tendencies, under-acknowledgement of positives, suppression of pleasure and desire, inflexibility. What to Appreciate in Givers. Helpfulness, attention to the relationship, caring, exuberance, adaptability.Making It Work With Enneagram Type 2
Key Tasks for Building and Sustaining Relationship. Devote time to pleasure and relationship building. Relationship Development for Givers with Perfectionists: What to Appreciate in Perfectionists. Commitment to improvement, restraint and self-reliance, high inner standards, consistence, devotion to practical virtues.
Practice steadiness and consistency. Welcome suggestions for improvement. The Perfectionist, however, sometimes may become critical of the way the Performer discounts important details, cuts corners, speeds through things with their fast pace, and making changes to suit circumstances.
This pattern can become compounded since both types tend to avoid feelings, which eventually leads to alienation and separation. What to Appreciate in Performers. A can-do attitude, positivity, shared value in work and competence, goal focus, efficiency.
To reduce the emphasis on minutiae and correctness. To moderate the intensity embedded in judgmentalness. To make time for the relationship, pleasure, and relaxation.
Take time to slow the pace and encourage the Perfectionist to do likewise. Allow in more receptive force. Pay more attention to details and underlying principle.
Make time for the relationship, pleasure, and relaxation. A cycle of escalating conflict and blame can materialize, characterized by complaint and counter-complaint and even withdrawal. Neither then feels supported or worthy and both feel estranged and alienated, which ultimately endangers the relationship. What to Appreciate in Romantics. Depth of feeling, uniqueness, creative flair, idealism, empathy for others and especially those who may be suffering. Appreciate more of what is good and positive rather than what is wrong and negative.
Disowned emotional fluctuations, difficulty accepting constraints and ordinary aspects of life, disproportionate idealism, a tendency to focus upon what is missing or lacking in the relationship, sensitivity to criticism.
Practicality, conscientiousness, commitment, holding to convictions, striving for improvement, attention to detail. Cultivate practicality, restraint, and steadiness even in the presence of strong feelings. Accept criticism as positive and not a reflection on self-worth. Stay present and in a state of gratitude for what is. Encourage Perfectionists to express desires and acceptance.
Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 5, the Observer Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts While both types share the qualities of restraint, control of feelings, rationality, self-sufficiency, and respect of boundaries, these same qualities represent challenges in communicating feelings and desires and for connection. The Observer tends to retract and withdraw as a protection against the perceived intrusion. This, in turn, can invite further judgment and resentment or anger from the Perfectionist about what is wrong with the relationship and further angry retraction on the part of the Observer.
Both can turn silent and withholding, endangering the relationship. What to Appreciate in Observers. Work at sustaining non-judgmental and moderate engagement. Your sensitivity to intrusion and criticism, an avoidance of feelings and charged issues, a tendency to withdraw or take superior position by judging in an intellectual manner. Restraint, practicality, self-reliance, dependability, high standards, striving to improve things and relationships as a form of care, attention to detail.
Move forward and embrace feelings and charged issues. Find ways to enliven the relationship, including the physical relationship. Encourage Perfectionists to live and let live and in the process, to become more accepting of differences in others. Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 6, the Loyal Skeptic Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Perfectionists and Loyal Skeptics often work synergistically in the pursuit of making a better world and correcting injustice.
They are sensitive to each other and dedicated. A cycle of escalating conflict and blame can result when the Perfectionist becomes more critical and angry, feeling that nothing can make the Loyal Skeptic secure and certain. All of this can lead to pain and even disruption or an end to the relationship. What to Appreciate in Loyal Skeptics. Loyalty, endurance, warmth, intellect, healthy questioning, sensitivity to real issues. Attune more to positives and encourage the Loyal Skeptic to do the same.
Provide reassurance, not correction. Allow for more playfulness and lighten up. Work at appreciating the differences between you.
A disowned magnification of negatives and worst case scenarios, sensitivity to criticism, contrary thinking, a doubting mind, a tendency to mistrust, difficulty staying with pleasures. Restraint, conscientiousness, high ethical standards, their striving for improvement, dependability, desire for the best, attention to detail. Pay attention to all the questioning and doubts in order to become more trusting.
Attend to and savor positives and pleasures and encourage the Perfectionist to do the same. Accept criticism without magnifying it. While these contrasting qualities can complement each other, they can also lead to a cycle of escalating conflict. This can devolve into explosive outbursts by the Epicure and righteous fixed-position anger on the part of the Perfectionist. Ultimately, this polarity can become intolerable to both types and end the relationship. What to Appreciate in Epicures. Spontaneity, enthusiasm, optimism, flexibility, future orientation, a fun-loving quality.
Practice lightening up and letting go of judgments. Grasp the polarity in styles. Make pleasure a priority. Resistance to limits, avoidance of details and ordinary life tasks, tendency to rationalize and reframe, an inclination to be self-serving.
Self-control, conscientiousness, high ethical standards, their striving for improvement, practicality, industry, attention to detail and ordinary life tasks.
Become more grounded in the present. Hear and even welcome negative feedback. Maintain a healthy pleasure orientation and encourage the Perfectionist to embrace more pleasure. Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 8, the Protector Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Perfectionists and Protectors often join together in pursuing causes related to fairness, justice and shared interests. However, conflict arises over their considerable opposite tendencies. When this interaction becomes polarized, it can lead to entrenchment, angry outbursts, withdrawal, and eventual destruction of the relationship.
What To Appreciate In Protectors. Strength, leadership, decisiveness, directness, exuberance for life, pursuit of truth, generosity.
Become more spontaneous and appreciate this in the Protector. Develop genuine flexibility, not just flexibility based on an internal standard. Stand firm regarding core values. Express your own desires and needs.
Develop comfort in expressing anger.
Relationship Type 1 with Type 7 — The Enneagram Institute
Recognize and work with the polarity in the two types. A tendency toward excess, going from impulse to action, an all-or-nothing style of attending my way or the highway stanceinsensitivity regarding impact on others. What To Appreciate In Perfectionists.
Restraint, conscientiousness, high ethical standards, striving for improvement, industry, fairness, attention to detail. Practice moderating impulsivity and impact. Type 1, the Perfectionist, and Type 9, the Mediator Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Perfectionists and Mediators often join together in attending to detail and leading an orderly, steady life.
Mediators, however, can feel criticized and prodded instead of encouraged by Perfectionists. As a result, Mediators may end up feeling inferior. In attempting to please, they over-accommodate and build up stubborn resistance that annoys and frustrates Perfectionists. A cycle of escalating conflict can follow, leading to further prodding of the Mediator, which creates a power struggle: This pattern is compounded since both types have difficulty knowing their real needs and desires.
Over time the relationship can deteriorate to extinction. What to Appreciate in Mediators. Flexibility, patience, acceptance, adaptability, steadiness, genuine care, empathy.
To build acceptance and appreciation of your differences. Develop flexibility and patience. Supportive structure, clarity, industry and effort, conscientiousness, improvement and fairness in orientation. Pick up your own pace. Take positions and make initiatives.
Face anger and conflict. Negotiate quality time with your partner and friends, when you can chill. Regulate your meals and sleep. Pay particular attention to this before exhaustion sets in. Recognize your impulsiveness, and get in the habit of observing your impulses rather than giving in to them.
You do not have to do everything this very moment. That tempting new acquisition will most likely still be available tomorrow this is certainly true of food, alcohol, and other common gratifications Your sense of humour, wit and quick mind are a source of pleasure for you and others.
However, watch what you say. Avoid the tendency to say more than you mean for effect or to get a reaction from others. Cultivate depth and do not be afraid of your sorrow. Kennedy How about you? Do you relate to a Type 7?